I like me.

After so many years, don't ask how long because I have lost count, I haven't liked me. From having zero confidence to getting bullied at school and at home, I knew (and still know) that others had it so much worse than me therefore I just got on with it so to speak, if that is the right way to put it but it really affected the way I saw my life.

In other words, I felt crap about myself all day, everyday, 24/7.
And today was one of those days. I am feeling really down about the fact that I still haven't got a job yet after months of looking now and I am feeling really down about it.




Cheesy picture but ahhhh wellllll
But because of some amazingly lovely people on Twitter tweeting me saying it was alright and that it will all be worth it in the end and if these past couple of years have taught me anything, it is this.
I like me. And here is why.

So here is 'A Realisation, I like me.'...

I have always been self conscious in the way I am, from my weird tendencies to the way I look, it has always been there.
 
I am weird and I will be the first one to admit that.
I am a fan girl, I obsess over TV shows that ended 4 years ago (I am still not over Merlin, don't touch me), I still have posters up in my bedroom at the age of 21, I still like to straightens things if they are wonky on a table somewhere, I dance and sing in my bedroom whilst listening to the radio whilst pretending I am performing to thousands of people.
And that isn't even the half of it.
But I like all of this stuff, it makes me, me.
 
Yeah, I may be fat, who cares. I have lost so much weight over these past 2 years due to the fact that I, and only I, wanted to. Bullies can do so much to you that it will make you not want to leave the house and not wear pretty things but in the prettiest of terms I can think of, stuff them.
I am changing because I want to change.
 
Compared to a few years back, during secondary school, college and the first two years of uni, I wouldn't have dreamed of wearing cute skirts or pretty dresses or wear makeup because I felt I wasn't worth it and wasn't pretty enough for them.
But I am.
 
Recently I have been experimenting with makeup and doing it all bright and colourful because that is me.
I love to wear skirts and dresses and to walk around in them, feeling like a vintage princess and have people say to me 'oooo Caroline, you look lovely today'.
That is good.
It is things like these that make me happy and appreciate myself more and appreciate the people I am surrounded by even more.
I am so tired of being so negative about myself because that's what people have mostly done to me.
I haven't got the energy for that anymore, I am so mentally exhausted from it all.
 I have amazing friends and without them, I would not be able to feel like this because they are supportive and honest and beautiful human beings inside and out.
 
Although I still have a long way to go with my confidence, it feels blooming great in what I have achieved so far.
Yeah, I might not be able to talk to a guy I like still or fit into a size 12 jean but that's ok, I am fine with staring at him for the time being and wearing the size jean I am in because there is nothing wrong with that and I know I will get there one day because I want to and that will feel amazing.
 
I am a working progress and I am finally happy with the results so far.
 
So the whole point of this post isn't to show me off in the way like 'ooo look at me' but in the way that perhaps you can relate to my experience with how you feel about yourself and that the only person you need to impress is you because at the end of the day, you should like you the way I like me.
Until next time
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All photographs are my own!

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