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Thursday, 2 February 2017

The only way is up

Today is a day where we all should talk about our mental health. #TimeToTalk should really be everyday but it's day is today so I am going to be as open as I possibly can in this post.
Last year, I posted on my Facebook account about how I was fed up with all of the negative people/thoughts in my life, particularly looking at bullying, and how it is time for me to love myself again and finally accept my mental health.


Due to this, I thought I would write this and just let everything go, whilst also giving some advice that I wish I had been given in those really bad parts in my life.

So here is 'The only way is up'...

Before I begin, a little disclaimer! I am no expert at all in MH, especially when it comes to  my own. However I am basing this post on my personal experiences so everything is the truth and the whole truth.

Ok, here is my post about it that I shared on my Facebook.
 
I am so bloody sick and tired of negative people. For the past 10years or so, I have been bullied at school and at home and you what, I am done with it all. How can someone take the piss out of ANYONE and think that is ok. To make it even worse, act like they haven't done a thing wrong. Like what??? Yeah, I might be fat, who cares?! I would rather be fat than someone who made someone else feel so shit about themselves that they couldn't leave the house and/or didn't want to live anymore, due to insecurities. For years, I hated myself and you know what, that ends right now because I have finally realised that the only person I need to love at the end of the day is myself. Yeah I have a long way to go but bloody hell, I wouldn't even be here today without having a good cry (god knows, I can cry for England) and some amazing people in my life, who will never truly know how grateful I am for them. I am not writing this for sympathy, I am writing this because it is about time people started to realise the effects bullying can have on someone, not just physically but mentally as well. At the end of it, forget about the people who drag you down because the journey on the way back up is so bloody worth it and I finally realise that.
 
First things first, it is true that I wasn't writing that for sympathy.
I obviously appreciate it but it doesn't help. Don't get me wrong, it is lovely when people comment on the post with really nice things about the situation and about me.
I makes me really happy and appreciate people I have in my life more.

However...
 
I just feel like it is a minor thing in a much more bigger thing. Does that even make sense?!
Let me try and explain. Because I have dealt with the  bullying I suffered with depression and loneliness all on my own since I was 10, I feel like I have to take control now and deal with it and stand up for my morals/feelings. 
 
Over the past couple of years, university has shown me how those negative people and thoughts don't matter. When you are young, you feel like the world is on your shoulders (it still kinda does now in some aspects) but it was more intense back then because you feel like you have to prove to people constantly and live up to all of this expectation people and society have.
 
I am 22 now. I know that people have it far worse than I do but when you are dealing with education pressures, bullying at home and at school as well as your parents separating, it sucks. I literally felt worthless and looking back at it all, I literally hate myself for getting into that state of mind of not wanting to live anymore. That sucks. A lot.
 
Like I said in the post, I have a long way to go in loving myself completely and having the confidence to do stuff but as cliché as it sounds, the journey has been worth it so far and I am finally starting to realise this.

I have also started to accept my mental health and I am finally focusing on getting better.
Don't you ever listen to anyone who calls you weak because of your MH or because you are getting help. You aren't. You are strong and have courage for saying that you need help and that is something to be proud of.
You have more balls than you realise!
 
You realise who is so important to you and you cherish them that little bit more.
And that, that makes all of the difference.
 
You see the good in life and not the bad any more. You are free. Free from your thoughts and doubts. Free from them negative people. Free from thinking so badly about yourself 24/7.
You are free and you deserve that.
 
If you start appreciating yourself that little bit more and complimenting yourself and buying that pretty dress from the shop because you will look hella cute in it, not matter what your mind says, it starts to make a change.
It is these little things that make all the difference in accepting and loving yourself for who you are and not what people think/say you are.
Talking about what you are feeling or thinking is nothing to be ashamed of.
 The only way is up.

Until next time
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All photographs are my own!

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