Moving on...

Hello. Me again. Sorry I haven't posted for the past 10 months or so. It's been hard. However, I have missed blogging and hoping to eventually start to do it again. It brought me so much joy, creativity, and productivity. I've missed it a lot.

If you have been following me on social media or reading my blog for a while then you will know last year was a really crappy one for me. If you are new here then hey, it's about to get reeeeeeal deep.

So my name is Caroline and I'm moving on...

So a brief outline of 2018. My dad passed away early in that year. To cut a long story short, it was [and still is] the hardest year of my life. Nothing prepares you for the loss of a parent. You think they are going to be there for everything, until you are old and grey too. In reality, they're not. As morbid as it is, the one guarantee in life is death and I took it for granted.

However, a lot of things came about because of last year too. Don't get me wrong, I'd happily give up everything just to have one day, one hour, one minute, with my dad again. But that's not possible. So I decided to make use of the thoughts, feelings, grief, and used them to my strength instead.

My dad would always be the person to try and put a smile on your face. To make you laugh. To make you try and see the good in bad situations. So I tried to be like dad. Because I know he would want that for us! It was hard and some days I wanted to give up. The lack of energy nor cares. The lack of motivation. The lack of life in me. It was draining, but I think I'm starting to live again. Live for both myself and my dad.  And you know what. It feel so blooming good. For a moment, I forgot what it was like to live. To smile. To laugh. To appreciate life.

So here's a little update on my life since that dreadful day last year.  

• I'm still employed!!! But I have decided what I'd like to do in my life as a career. A florist or a train person. It's only taken me almost 25 years, oops haha!
• I actually got my bottom into gear and joined the gym!! Little steps but I am determined to lose weight and lead a much healthier lifestyle.
• Speaking of gears... I only gone and passed my driving test first time!! One minor too, dead chuffed!!!
• Saying that, I bought my first ever car!!!!! She's called Winnie, after Winnie the Pooh of course!
• On a whim to get some productivity and creativity back, I created an Instagram Disney account and am really pleased to say DisneyCaz is one of the best things I've ever done.
• Started saving up for my first house, which is the next thing on my list!!

None of these things will ever make up for the lose of my dad. Nothing ever will. However, after a while you realise that ether the grief will consume you or that you need to take it by the hand and walk side by side with it, and maybe give it a hug.

All the pain and anger, it was consuming the girl I was finally happy to be. But by embracing the grief I felt, I have a completely different outlook on this thing called life.

And you know what, I'm starting to enjoy it a little bit more now. I'm moving on...

So here's to you, Dad. I miss you. I love you. To Pluto and back.